Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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