In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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