on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
