At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
