I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
