Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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