i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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