Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
send nudes
from the living room?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
