They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
