i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
