clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
