a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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