I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
