When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This girl is more easily done than said...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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