forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
