Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
cat food counts as protein by the way
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
