I cockslap morals
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize