The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
