Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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