I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
