I wanna bring you to show and tell
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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