i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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