so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
