College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
