I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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