I think I died a long time ago.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
