Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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