i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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