So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
