1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
