you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize