I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
