I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
