so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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