it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am one with the molecules
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
