True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
