He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
