Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
