I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
