Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
