They should really pass out barf bags in church
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
