A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
