I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Green mimosas i think yes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
