he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
