I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
