dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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