dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and she was petting her beer can
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
