Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
