yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize