I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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