Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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