forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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