i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
