make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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