you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just high enough for therapy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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