So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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