The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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