the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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