you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
