Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
