At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
